I've been thinking about you alot this past week or so. Finally my heart is healed enough that I can put your picture on the fridge. Coming on to the 2 year mark of your moving on. Memories of sweet tender mercies given to us keep coming back: Bishop Larson feeding you your last meal of mint chocolate chip ice cream, Britnee and her mom coming over every week and cleaning our bathrooms, yummy food coming in, a cooler full of good orange juice and drinks, a new roof and shutters, holes mended so Molly couldn't escape, carpets and furniture cleaned, donations of money to pay all the bills, trips to St. George and one to California, treats, surprise Christmas gifts, love bread, smiles and hugs, tears and hugs, massages, cleaning and organizing, the lawn mowed, weeds pulled, a beautiful harp playing in your room, beautiful family pictures, homemade jam, gummy sharks and Lucky Charms. There were donations and collections taken in our behalf from loved ones and strangers alike. I remember a surprise package of a game console with a game you had been wishing for a long time. Your smile, priceless! I remember you sitting and watching the soldier movies you bought with money Uncle Bob gave you. You were happy for the t-shirts Dana sent because we didn't get a chance to pick them up while we were there, before our plane left. I remember how touched I was finding John sleeping on the floor next to you, so he could assist you if you needed it during the middle of the night. There were beautiful flowers and lots of visits and even more prayers. I remember a policeman coming and talking with you at PCMC while you were getting a chemo treatment.
I also remember how much you tried to have fun, even when you were in a lot of pain! There were the trips we took, the hikes in Zion with Kara and Boo, the hike up to Timpanogos Cave with Austin (who offered to carry you, but you wanted to finish it by yourself). Then there was the time that Doug tried to take you golfing. You loved it so much, you tried your best to enjoy it one last time. Then there was the time you had your bald self in Utah Lake trying to wake board behind Uncle Joe's boat. Besides the fun, you tried to work. Remember trying to help paint grandma's house and how you helped chop and split wood at Uncle Joe's cabin? I'm sure John could come up with more adventures you tried, that maybe I don't want to know about.
I remember telling you that if it were possible, I would trade places with you and you were more concerned about who would take care of your brothers...or you didn't want to be responsible for them, haha!
I had no idea how much I would miss you, bud! The family just isn't the same without you. I miss your handsome mug and your hugs. I miss you scaring me at the bottom of the stairs or in the laundry room. I miss your laugh and your funny faces and jokes. I miss the banter between you and John and Zack. I miss your teasing. I miss teasing you by singing the wrong words to the songs that you loved or singing off key.
Still...the amazing, wonderful blessings bestowed on us during your illness lingers in my heart and continues to strengthens me. My love for you is still here in my heart. I cried again, today...not because I was sad, but because my heart was still so full of gratitude for all the love shown to us through many people. Still missing you. Still loving you. I feel your love and I am grateful for that. Keep working on that Heaven Skype, bud!
Remember how when Zack came home from his mission, I couldn't wait for him to come to us so I ran to him and cried and hugged him. That's how it will be when I see you again. You've been gone as long as Zack was...but without the weekly emails...no pictures...no phone calls on Mother's Day or Christmas. Well, I just have to trust that you're doing great stuff and you are watching over us. Can't wait to catch up with all you have been up to.
Thanks for loving us! We miss you, Jake!