Chemo: Round 12

A Note to a friend:

Jake is doing good, I think.  I don’t know what to compare him to, really.  He is still very tired and worn out after chemo, too much so to get any kind of job.  He looks extremely pale to me.  The doctors even thought that he needed a transfusion because he was so pale, but his counts were ok.  I think part of it is that he has stayed out of the sun, for the most part.  Perhaps I should make him sit in the sun for 15 minutes so he can get his vitamin D.

The great thing about Jake is he is still trying to live life!  He’s not moping around all day and complaining about the cards he was dealt.  When he feels he has the energy, he tries to play around, like he usually does.  He hiked up to Timpanogos Cave on Saturday with Austin B.  I couldn’t believe he would try such a hard hike.  He said he had to rest every 20 feet.  Austin offered to carry him up on his back (bless his heart!), but Jake wanted to do it himself.  He still wanted to feel like he could accomplish something on his own.  He never gave up!  I love that about him!

Next Tuesday is another in hospital chemo treatment (pee day).  We're back to all three chemo drugs/poisons.  The good news is that we are at the point where they will do the first evaluations to see how his body and tumor is reacting to the chemo and radiation treatments  His stomach is peeling where he has big rectangular burn marks from the radiation.  The same on his back.  He said that the creases in his leg/groin area were raw from the burns (poor guy!)  I wish there were something I could do to make it all better! (sigh!)

Today was a good day!  No bills and someone sent a donation to help with Jake’s bills.  I feel blessed!

Dear God,

I won't ask why, and I'm not mad.  

I know this will be over sometime, and I know that You know how much my heart breaks to see my child in pain.

Thanks for being there for us!  Thanks for sending many angels to help us through this!  

Some give gifts of love.  

Some give gifts of service.  

Some give gifts of monetary means.  

Some give gifts of prayer and faith.  

Some give courage and hope.  

Some give a listening ear and a hug.  

Some give words of encouragement and comfort.

Some give thoughtful gifts to remind us that we are loved and thought of often.

Some give us gifts that make us laugh.

Thank you so much for the many lessons I have learned through this experience!  Lessons of compassion and service, patience and understanding, how to be optimistic and hopeful without losing sight of reality.

You haven't told me yet, what the outcome will be, and it scares me a little.  But I trust you, Father, and I know You will do what is best for Jake and for all of us.  Sorry you have to keep reminding me, but thank You for doing it often.

Thanks for showing me how to avoid the "Pity Puddles".  It really works!  Of course, You knew that already!

I knew You loved me, I just didn't know how much!  Thank you for reminding me, again and again and again and again....  I will never get tired of the different ways You show me.  

Love,

Me