MRI results...

We spent a very long time at the hospital yesterday...basically getting 2 MRI's.  I wanted to see how extensive the tumor growth was in his abdomen and back.  The good news is, there was only one tumor close to his spine...bad news...the tumor has grown back where the first was removed and it is bigger than the first...in just 7 weeks time!

Thank you so much for the fasting and prayers...amazing, amazing strength to get through this!  A friend of mine told me that she could feel that my heart was very strong.  I told her...only because God is holding it in his hands.

Family Trip update:  We could not wait on passports to take the cruise, so again we are going to Plan B!  My sister was able to find us a condo in Oceanside, CA.  We will fly there in a few weeks...some of the boys will have to drive down.  We may just end up hanging out at the beach or in the condo...either way...Family bonding!  My boys are a hoot when they are all together...with no electronics!  They just feed off each other till they have us laughing and coming up with new family funnies!

Remember I said it had been a long time since I had felt Joy?  I heard Jake laughing several times today...that brought me joy!  See, she was there!  I just had to look a little deeper to find her!

Family trip!

My sister posted this on Facebook!  Very sweet!

for all of you in facebook land i want to share a very special family with you- please go to www.forthesakeofjake.blogspot.com -this is my sisters (Rose) son, we would like to give them some time for memories together, jake would like to go on a cruise- i have found one for 2000.00 for thier family of 7. if anyone feels like they can help donate to this vacation for them, we would appreciate it.

 there will be additional costs for gas and hotel to and from L.A. We know that they have felt your prayers and have been blessed by all those who give them service and a listening ear- it is such a small thingto us- thanks to all who have blessed thier lives. contact me if you are able to donate, there is also a way to donate on for the sake of jake, but i don't know if you can earmark it for the vacation.


Note from Rose:  You can donate through this blog but Pay Pal keeps a percentage of it.  I spoke with all the schools (except UVU) and they are willing to work with Mike and Spencer to keep them from falling behind.

It's too painful for Jake to walk, so we will need to get him a wheel chair.  He is very excited to go!  The tumors are going crazy!  There are too many for me to count now.  He has lots of swelling.  We have cut out the sweets and pretty much fed him fresh foods but something is making those tumors spread like wild fire!  Crazy!

Our family and friends are very sweet.  Every kind gesture is noticed and appreciated.  I'm sorry if I don't get every single tender mercy a Thank You note...but know that we are grateful...please!

Doctor's visit...

I know people can't help but call to see what's going on with Jake...so let me give it to you from the horses mouth...sorta speak...maybe more like a pretty lion...haha.

We went to see Jake's Hem/Onc doctor at Primary Children't today.  I was afraid of what she might say or confirm, but mainly I wanted to see what was going on with the tumor in his chest/back area that was giving him so much pain.  I didn't want the doctor to steal any hope I had for Jake's recovery. 

I asked her...if it was her son, what treatment would she suggest.  She said that she didn't think the chemo would work at this point.  He could have it if he wanted to try it, and it may prolong his life for a time...but to feel like crap the whole extended time...was it really worth it to Jake (we all know the answer to that!).

She is concerned about the back pain so she suggested doing an MRI on Thursday to see what the tumor is doing.  If it's pushing on his spine too much, it could paralyze him and he would lose urine control.  That's definitely not a fun way to live the rest of your life.

Since the tumors have not invaded any of his other organs...she believes he perhaps has 3 months left...could be more...could be less.

My hope is that perhaps these essential oils will help.  Jake said he is willing to take them as many times as he needs to (in otherwords, more than three times a day).  We will give them a try for a couple weeks to see if there is any significant change. 

In the mean time...John, Zack and Austin are trying to make life for Jake as normal and fun as possible.  They talk about other stuff to keep his mind off of the painful stuff. 

Me...it was all I could do to keep myself from breaking down in the clinic or on the way out.  My sister-in-law made me talk to her about it after I got home...and it was therapeutic.  I've got to say that there must be some awefully strong prayers in my behalf...because the strength I feel now is definitely not my own.

Carrie told me that she didn't want me to feel like I was going through this alone.  I have to say...I have never felt that way through this whole ordeal!  I have friends who understand that mess is stress, so they come over or call and make an appointment to come over and help me destress my house.  It gives me strength to tackle the big stuff that has been left undone.  People come over and steal weeds and unwanted grass out of my yard!  I asked the boys whose turn it was to do the dishes...they said, "We don't know!  Random people keep coming over and cleaning stuff!"  Thank you so much Random People!  I love and appreciate your service...more than I can express!

I was going to the gym this morning and was listening to "Oh Divine Redeemer" on the way.  My heart was hurting so bad I had to hold my hand over it.  Luckily, God already had it in His hands and was keeping it from completely falling apart.  Lesson learned:  I am not going to listen to those kind of God endearing songs for a while.  He already "hears my cry"

...so this is enough "dwelling" on this sad subject.  If Jake is suppose to be healed, I have no doubt that will happen.  Like Abraham, I sometimes wonder how far He wants to take Jake to the alter before He says enough...and if He wants Jake back...if the best thing for Jake is to take him home...then with a broken heart that only God can heal...that's what I want too.

Jake, if the best thing for you would be to trade you places...I would do it in a heart beat!
Even if it was just for a moment...I wish you could feel how much love I have for you...from the time I felt you move in my tummy to this moment.  No woman on this earth loves you more or is your biggest fan. 

Again with the tumors...

Jake and I counted tumors again last night...74.  I didn't have the heart to tell him how many.  He has a tumor that is causing him pain in his back.  I believe it's the one near his lungs.  He said it's pushing on his spine.  Not sure what to do with that one.  Seeing the doctor tomorrow. (Sigh!)

Good news...his hair has not fallen out again! 

I had him off sugar and processed foods...hoping that would slow down the growth.  Still going to cut back on the sugar, but at this point, he can eat whatever he wants!

Tumors...

We were up to 64 tumors last week!  Today, we only counted 53!
HOPE rears her pretty little head!

Jake Update...

We are using essential oils to shrink the tumors.  Last count, there were 52...50 we could feel, 2 we could see near his lungs on CT scan.  Jake is still trying to recover from the 5 days of chemo.  It apparently took a toll on his stomach.  So far, his hair hasn't fallen out...again.  I actually trimmed some fuzzies off today.

Chemo makes me sick...

Chemo makes me sick!
I don't like it a bit!

Jake has decided that the chemo makes him so sick he doesn't want to finish it...
so we are going to try something else for a while.

Blah, blah, blah...

We went to the doctors today. Chemo is the only treatment at this point. Jake is resolved to try it...along with some essential oils (possibly). If there is no improvement by the second round, we quit that and move on to something else.

I'm a little tired of writing "bummer" updates!

My apologies!

Very stressed out and overwhelmed today! I'm trying hard not to snap at my boys...

Now I need to go deal with the rest of my life...