Doctor's visit...

I know people can't help but call to see what's going on with Jake...so let me give it to you from the horses mouth...sorta speak...maybe more like a pretty lion...haha.

We went to see Jake's Hem/Onc doctor at Primary Children't today.  I was afraid of what she might say or confirm, but mainly I wanted to see what was going on with the tumor in his chest/back area that was giving him so much pain.  I didn't want the doctor to steal any hope I had for Jake's recovery. 

I asked her...if it was her son, what treatment would she suggest.  She said that she didn't think the chemo would work at this point.  He could have it if he wanted to try it, and it may prolong his life for a time...but to feel like crap the whole extended time...was it really worth it to Jake (we all know the answer to that!).

She is concerned about the back pain so she suggested doing an MRI on Thursday to see what the tumor is doing.  If it's pushing on his spine too much, it could paralyze him and he would lose urine control.  That's definitely not a fun way to live the rest of your life.

Since the tumors have not invaded any of his other organs...she believes he perhaps has 3 months left...could be more...could be less.

My hope is that perhaps these essential oils will help.  Jake said he is willing to take them as many times as he needs to (in otherwords, more than three times a day).  We will give them a try for a couple weeks to see if there is any significant change. 

In the mean time...John, Zack and Austin are trying to make life for Jake as normal and fun as possible.  They talk about other stuff to keep his mind off of the painful stuff. 

Me...it was all I could do to keep myself from breaking down in the clinic or on the way out.  My sister-in-law made me talk to her about it after I got home...and it was therapeutic.  I've got to say that there must be some awefully strong prayers in my behalf...because the strength I feel now is definitely not my own.

Carrie told me that she didn't want me to feel like I was going through this alone.  I have to say...I have never felt that way through this whole ordeal!  I have friends who understand that mess is stress, so they come over or call and make an appointment to come over and help me destress my house.  It gives me strength to tackle the big stuff that has been left undone.  People come over and steal weeds and unwanted grass out of my yard!  I asked the boys whose turn it was to do the dishes...they said, "We don't know!  Random people keep coming over and cleaning stuff!"  Thank you so much Random People!  I love and appreciate your service...more than I can express!

I was going to the gym this morning and was listening to "Oh Divine Redeemer" on the way.  My heart was hurting so bad I had to hold my hand over it.  Luckily, God already had it in His hands and was keeping it from completely falling apart.  Lesson learned:  I am not going to listen to those kind of God endearing songs for a while.  He already "hears my cry"

...so this is enough "dwelling" on this sad subject.  If Jake is suppose to be healed, I have no doubt that will happen.  Like Abraham, I sometimes wonder how far He wants to take Jake to the alter before He says enough...and if He wants Jake back...if the best thing for Jake is to take him home...then with a broken heart that only God can heal...that's what I want too.

Jake, if the best thing for you would be to trade you places...I would do it in a heart beat!
Even if it was just for a moment...I wish you could feel how much love I have for you...from the time I felt you move in my tummy to this moment.  No woman on this earth loves you more or is your biggest fan.