A week or so before Jake passed, I asked him if he would like to get each family member a Christmas gift. Not the usual game they would play for a while, then get tired of...but something special. He said yes. I stopped at Kohls and picked up some blankets, then with Grandma Sweet in tow, I took the blankets into Jake and told him who each one was for and he thought of them and hugged each one.
Grandma wanted one too. I hadn't bought any extras, but had a spare smaller one in my closet. She wanted it, so I handed the blanket to Jake and told him it was for grandma. He started to hug it, but remembering he called her "the kissing grandma", he gave the blanket kisses. I turned to my mom and said, "Awe...he gave you kisses!" Of course, she started bawling and ran out of the room. I told Jake I wanted kisses for my blanket too, so I returned my blanket to his arms and he gave me kisses and long hugs.
I gave the blankets to my friend, Sylvia, and she embroiderd Jake's name on a piece of one of his favorite t-shirts and the person's name it was for underneath. She waited until the 23rd to finish it...which coincidentally, was the anniversary of the day we received our special Christmas gifts last year.
Right after Jake died, I hugged him and held him because I could finally do it without causing him so much pain. I could still feel the warmth on the back of his neck...it was almost hot to the touch. As I wore his blanket to me around my neck...I felt my neck become so warm...it was almost hot to touch. I could hear Jake say..."It may not feel like my hugs, but it's the best I can do from here!"
Today, I felt the best gift...I can feel my heart healing...wrapped in Peace and Love and it's safe. The sadness is finding its way out and the Peace is finding its way in.
Addendum: The boys love their blankets! It's so sweet to see them wrapped up in them in their beds. Guys don't want to talk much about their sad feelings. It's their way of saying, "I miss you Jake!"