Well, I think we made it...

I think we made it through the first year.  Some days were harder than others.  You'd think you would have cried all the tears necessary by now...but surprisingly, there are more.  

Everyone seemed to commemorate Jake's "Angel Day" in different ways.  Mike, Spencer and I went with our friend Leslie, to the Cure Search Walk up in Sugarhouse Park.  It was kinda hard.  The ROK (Remember Our Kids) club invited us to come.  See the white balloons in the background?  They gave each family that had lost a child to cancer a balloon to release in their memory.  When I first saw them, I thought it was a very boring color they picked.  After a moment of silence, we released the balloons.  Sweetly, they looked like little angels going up to heaven.  One balloon stopped just above us as if to say...don't worry, we are watching over you...then it flew off with the others.  I think I lost a bucket of tears that day...but its ok.

We ended our walk with an ice cream toast at Baskin Robbins, complements of Leslie.  Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream was the last thing Jake could eat.  His last week, he only ate Cinnabon cereal and MCC ice cream.

Zack and Caitlin were suppose to come with us, but they slept in and missed it.  Dave stayed home and loaded bullets.  John went to St. George and turned a weekend stay to a week.

At 4:30 p.m., Dave and I went to the cemetery and placed balloons and flowers.  Zack met us there.

One of my dear friends left the red potted plant there.  The guys were staking the balloons down.

There were notes to Jake written on each balloon.  Monday, I went back and planting a kiss on each one, released them into the heavens.  Interestingly, they formed a big circle way up high, then disappeared.

Sunday, my friend Rinda, gave me some "love" bread.  Our hearts are knit together with the sadness of each losing our sons in 2011 and they are buried just a few feet from each other.  Kenny's birthday is in September so we hold each other up this month.

Last night, I found a book that was made of all the cards and well wishes of friends and family.  One of our friends had found a way to print out the comments from facebook.  I read through them and was reminded of the love and tender mercies bestowed upon us during that difficult time.  Those were sweet memories!

Monday, one of our neighbors, the Bucks, sent us this beautiful basket with flowers...again reminding us of the love that others have for us.  Here it is with my Prayer Bear I got from Primary Children's Hospital one of the times Jake was there.

Today, October 4th, would be the anniversary of his funeral.  I went to my institute class, which just happens to be in the room that I saw Jake's face last.  I was there at precisely the same time as they closed the casket for the last time.  More tears, more closure.

Lord, help me remember my sorrow, so that when I see another experiencing the same challenging time, I will know how to succor them.

Help me to remember the love, so that I can share some with them.

Help me remember the service and kindness, so I can know how to give back.

Make my hands, your hands,

My heart, your heart,

My love, your love,

My tenderness, your tenderness.

Thank you for showing me that there is more to death than sadness.

Thanks for reminding me to stay close and not to wander too far off (just like we tell our young ones)

Thanks for holding my hand when I was afraid, and my heart when it was broken.

Thanks for showing me Joy again!

Chin up now!  Enduring to the end is hard sometimes....gives new meaning to live and learn!  The beautiful weather helps! :)

Thanks to all of you who have honored Jake and my family by remembering him.  Thank you for your prayers and for the strength you lend us.  I don't know how, but I feel strengthened and lifted up by your thoughts and prayers.  Knowing we are not alone in our sorrows is very comforting.