Dear Jake...

First car!

Holladay Arch

Dear Jake,

I know you've been waiting for this letter and today is the day!  I know you are in the best place for you...but I sure miss our fun times together...and my Jake hugs!  Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and hug you just a little bit longer when you were a toddler...when it wasn't weird to snuggle you, haha!

I hope, Jake, that out of all the mistakes I made as a young mother, in spite of those...you know how much I love you!  If I could give you my blessing, it would be that you would understand who you really are...an amazing, loving, lovable, sweet guy!  You are my (and dad's) son and a son of Heavenly Father.  I would bless you to also be able to feel joy, happiness and especially love.  I would hope that you have confidence to accomplish all you need to do and that you love learning!  I hope you have a beautiful young lady in your life that sees your amazingness as much as I do...and I hope you can't wait to introduce her to me!

Do you know why I want you to be in love with someone, Jake?  Because I have that with dad!  I love having dad as my eternal companion!  I love being loved by him and having him to love, to cherish, to snuggle, to fish, 4 wheel and just hang out with!  I love being his racquetball and pinochle partner.  I love having him to miss when we're apart!  He gives the best back and neck rubs!  He cares about me being safe and well.  We are each other's best cheerleaders and best friends!  We joy in each other's success and accomplishments and sorrow in each other's sadness or loss.

Having you and brothers added to our joy...and sadness, frustration, multiplied our love by 5.  I don't know relationships work in heaven, Jake, or if you will ever know the joy of having your own children...but I hope you can feel what it's like...somehow.  That is my wish for you, Jake.  That you can feel that kind of joy...the kind you gave us!

It's the same wish I have for all of my boys...I want them to feel the love of an eternal companionship, an awesome young woman that adores them, and little, adorable munchkins!

I love my life, Jake!  I love how God has put so many amazing people in it to bless and love me while I'm here.

Thank you for watching over us and doing what you do there to assist us in our work here!

I'm so anticipating the moment I get to hold you in my arms again!  As soon as I see you...I will run...I will run as fast as I can to hold you again!  I will hold you and cry and hold you and feel your love and your presence and hug you...and yes, I will kiss you and you can wipe it off like you always do!  How I long for that time, Jake!  Until then...I will live my happy life.  I will continue to love those that need my love and serve those that need my service.  I will love and mother your amazing brothers and dad!  We are all missing you, bud!

Big mommy hug!

Love you, Jake!
Mom